Fan Fictions--one of the reasons I drink...

So, I'm going to do some mildly mindless venting on this one. Fan-fictions suck ass. I hate them, and I hate the people that write them. These "authors" are usually teenagers who are self-proclaimed writers, thinking they're deep because they use words like "despair," "darkness," "moonlight," "blood," and of course, "melancholy." They're the type of people who like to pretend they're deep by writing bad poetry even though they've never read any poetry. They try to rhyme, even though contemporary poetry usually doesn't rhyme, and the meter is all off because they don't know what the fuck meter is. Not to mention they use cliche rhymes like "lie" and "sky" and "die," and actually it makes me want to do that last one.

These self-righteous assholes then read or watch a popular novel or movie or movie based on a novel, and are thereafter "inspired" to write a travesty based on said novel or movie. Yeah, they're so deep and talented that all they could come up with was some mutilated version of Twilight (redundant--of course!) or some butchered monstrosity based on Harry Potter (how could you??). And since these pissants have only read the one book they have no idea how to write in one point of view, or keep a consistent tense, or write dialogue that doesn't sound kitschy, and so the fan-fic ends up being the sloppy seconds of a somewhat passable idea.

Every once in a while I stumble across another of these awful "creations," and it makes me wonder why I bother. Everyone who can figure out how to work a pen thinks they can write, and so forums all across the internet are infested with these things like some kind of electronic chlamydia. It's disgusting. And it's insulting to real writers and poets. By real, I mean people who are avid readers and know how to form a coherent and original thought, able to create a unique plot and story in an effective and creative manner. These are the people whose work is ruined by fan-fiction. It's disrespectful, but like a natural disaster, it can't be stopped. So I will drink more. That's healthy, right?