Only pretty women should be murdered in a jealous rage, apparently

I'm continually astounded by how easily we judge women's bodies, and I'm even more astounded that women judge other women. This is a terrible cycle in which we've all engaged in, at least once in our lives. Women's bodies are continually put on display, mostly for the heterosexual male gaze, but women see these images too. They're everywhere. We've gotten to the point where men don't even need to police women's bodies anymore, because we do it ourselves.

I overheard a conversation earlier today in the break room at work. One woman was reading an article from People about the murder of Jasmine Fiore. What she said caused me to stop reading my book and listen in: "You know, she wasn't even that pretty."

So...only "pretty" women get to be obsessed over, murdered in a jealous rage, dismembered, and discarded in a dumpster? A woman's life was taken, and we're discussing her looks? Why even say she's not that pretty? Is this to imply she wasn't worth the effort of murdering? That Jenkins could have found someone "hotter" to kill?

From there, the conversation turned to how much plastic surgery she's had done, as if this is the issue here. While I cannot say I agree when women decide to take extreme measures in order to conform to some ideal of beauty, I do understand that this can certainly be attributed to the type of culture in which we're drowning. Women's bodies are continually available for visual consumption, and those who do not fit this ideal are viciously criticized and judged. Often, it's overwhelming for women to deal with, and even the worst options are considered and taken.

So part of me empathizes with women who decide to have plastic surgery. But how is this relevant in the wake of Fiore's murder? The woman was dismembered, and only identified by the serial numbers on her breast implants.

And it's not about a woman's looks: it's about a man's disillusioned sense of entitlement to control a woman, and when he realized he had no control, he killed her.

This illustrates how callously we view the death of a woman. A life has been taken, and all we can discuss is her looks? This is utterly disrespectful, judgmental, and diminishing, and further exemplifies how a woman's only as valuable as she is beautiful.

And the media frames this as a crime of passion, which is utter bullshit since it's just another form of victim-blaming ("well, he only killed her because he was jealous she was texting an ex").

It should be noted that after this conversation, another woman noted that if she "were Jon [of Jon and Kate] I would have punched her by now."

To say I'm anything but deeply disturbed that violence against women is so acceptable in our society that we can make light of it, and even rationalize it ("that bitch is asking for it") is an understatement.

And I'm continually disheartened that women's lives apparently mean so little.

crossposted

How do I love thee, genitalia?

To kick off my posting at SexGenderBody, I've decided to share my sonnets, which some people have already seen. I wrote them both in fun, but I think it's a good way to begin a conversation about our private areas. I often take for granted the level of comfort I have with my own body, and would like other people to achieve comfort with their own bodies. I don't feel that subjects regarding our bodies should be taboo, and that includes activities involving our bodies (yeah, I'm talking about sex and masturbation people!).

Anyway, these sonnets (check the meter and rhyme scheme if you want--they're sonnets!) are written specifically to a penis and vagina, respectively. You can view their original postings here and here.


"There never was a member so defined..."

There never was a member so defined
By manliness manifested by so great a spear,
Which enraptures all, and weakens minds
In its skill and evocation of fear.
So great it is, both in length and power
That one falls prey to its thrust;
And what can it be called short of "spectacular,"
But one finds there are no words so just.
So praise unto this wonderful cock,
Which elicits pleasure and desire;
Where others can pityingly mock,
This magnificent one never tires.
So masculine, Herculean, and hard,
It is luscious, lavish, and unmarred.


In the above sonnet, I purposely use archetypal masculine imagery to epitomize traditional ideas of maleness. In a way, I've chosen to mock the idea of the source of manliness being the penis. I also wanted to sort of reclaim a form of poetry dominated primarily by men--and to also get to the source of the "carpe diem" poetry (mainly the ones whose morals are as follows: life is short, so have sex now). I wrote the sonnet a year before I posted it on my blog, in response to Renee's post at Womanist Musings about being a dickist. Smart ass that I am, I simply couldn't resist.

I thought it only fair to similarly honor my lady parts. Again, this is meant to be funny, and, again, I deliberately use archetypal language describing my vagina. I also acknowledge that my referencing a famous white American artist holds connotations of it's own, but please realize that her paintings are well-known for their vagina imagery.


"Soft pillows of flesh tucked unseen..."

Soft pillows of flesh tucked unseen
Blossoming petals, blooms uncurl
From a center of pleasure wrapped between
Minora, majora, a delicate pearl.
A brilliant structure, support of lattice,
Of Nature, reflecting the natural,
An arch, an arbor--a trellis,
Echoing the seasons, it epitomizes cycle.
Flourished paint strokes, slick with color
It arouses inspiration and greatness
In artists mimicking the gossamer,
And in others, simply faintness.
So superb a chalice, and rose motif
Is exemplified best by Georgia O'Keefe.

In both of these sonnets I've purposely used gendered language that reflects traditional ideas of how gender is tied to these perceived sources of masculinity and femininity. I also like to play with the sounds of words to affect overall perception--the first having harsher consonant sounds, the second relying heavily on softer ones.

Our bodies are beautiful, and are deserving of praise, even the parts we keep hidden.

crossposted

Delta red dress double-fail

I just came across this article, which is about Delta's failure to provide larger sizes of their signature red dress for the flight attendants to wear. I would like to point out that the article itself is fail, with the title "Some NWA flight attendants want to wear red dress." By "some" I assume you mean the ones that can't squeeze into the sizes offered. It's discrimination and this dress is being denied to them because they're apparently too big.

The union that represents flight attendants who worked for Northwest Airlines before it was bought by Delta Air Lines is crying foul over Delta's failure to offer bigger sizes for its signature red dress uniform designed by Richard Tyler.

When he was hired to create his uniform collection, Tyler said he wanted them to "look sexy and great."

The Northwest chapter of the Association of Flight Attendants-CWA has filed a grievance with the world's largest airline operator, asking it to offer the red dress up to size 28. The union hopes the grievance will go to mediation in August.

The red dress currently is only offered up to size 18, though a Delta spokeswoman said the airline offers a range of outfits in other colors and styles up to size 28 that flight attendants can wear.

Patricia Reller, who handles grievances for the union's executive committee, said Friday that even if there was only one flight attendant who wore a size over 18, that person should be able to wear the stylish red dress.

"I think red is an eye-popping color and it's not subtle, and to me by not offering it in a size over 18, Delta is saying, 'We don't want you wearing that if you are over size 18,'" Reller said. "But the job isn't about being sexy. It's about safety."

So, first the dress is designed to be eye-poppingly sexy. And is clearly only about women looking sexy, because I have a feeling if a man decided to wear the dress Delta would have a fit. There's another quote by Patricia Reller in this article is particularly spot-on:

“Red is a color that attracts attention and someone, somewhere has made a decision that they don’t want to attract attention to someone in a dress that’s larger than a size 18,” said Patricia Reller, vice chairwoman of the grievance committee at the flight attendants union’s executive council at Northwest. “I’m very offended by it.”

This dress is made to make the flight attendants look sexy and appealing, yet the fact that it isn't offered above a size 18 certainly says that anyone over that size doesn't get to wear the sexy dress, leaving one with the implication that fat people are disgusting and decidedly unsexy. Oh, but it's okay, because there are other colors the uniform comes in for the fatties, so if you were unaware of your fatitude, you get to wear a different color from your sexier co-workers as a sort of color-coded shame. Fucking. Lovely.

Then there's this issue of sexiness being important to a job that is about maintaining the safety of the passengers: uh, why? This sexiness is clearly being played to the male fantasy of the sexy flight attendant, which removes any semblance of professionalism from these women. Their job is to be hot and available.

So there you have it: a double-fail. If this wasn't about reducing women to their bodies then they'd offer their uniform for women of all sizes. And it wouldn't be about their damn looks either. I'm surprised Delta hasn't gone and said "Fatties need not apply." Well, yet, anyway.

The elusive mythical creature: size 14 shorts

I had heard about how difficult it is for the average-sized lady to purchase clothing, but I hadn't experienced it firsthand until this last weekend. I haven't had to buy clothing in a while, and even when my dependable jeans suddenly rip, I convert them into a cute skirt, or I'll pick up something at Target or Wal-Mart. These places seem to understand those of us with a larger bottom. This understanding has not reached the higher end of the fashion spectrum, and certainly only exists in stores that specifically cater to those of us with some curves.

I was scouring my neighborhood mall last weekend (normally I avoid malls like the plague since I'm not a huge fan of people and children, but my fiance's family apparently loves malls, so there you have it). I had no intention of even looking at anything, since, as some of you already know, I'm broke and certainly can't justify spending $50 on a shirt I can make myself if I really felt like it, but my fiance's mother insisted, asking if there was anything I could use. I eventually picked out a few tank tops, and then was going to look for some shorts since I severely lack a summer wardrobe.

I quickly discovered that it is impossible to find shorts longer than crotch-length, and even more impossible to find anything above a size 10. I wear size 14; I'm not going to try to squeeze my ass into a size 10.

And then I just thought of how incredibly ridiculous it is that all these stores (and it's not just exclusive to my mall) don't carry clothing to accommodate the average-sized lady. Wouldn't they make more money if they carried items for the largest group of women customers? Average is average because more women fall into that group, yet these companies are willing to ignore them completely.

I will not starve myself so I can squeeze into their tiny shorts. There is enough shaming of women as it is without me feeling bad about myself because not one store carries shorts in my size. I was actually embarrassed trailing my fiance's mother in search of shorts that didn't exist. We must have gone into every store, and no luck in any of them. Who knew a pair of shorts for my ass would be mythical? Similarly, finding pants in my size is difficult.

I can easily find tops that fit properly, so why is it such an endeavor to find something to encase my butt? The clothing industry has apparently decided that the average woman is big fat fatty who doesn't deserve a fucking pair of designer jeans. They don't post an obvious "No fatasses" sign in their windows, but trust me, it's implicit in how they further your shame by pursuing a hunt for something they don't carry, or reducing you to asking for the size near the swarms of size 1's.

Perhaps one day the industry will realize that women come in all shapes and sizes and make clothing to reflect this reality. I have hips and curves. I am not pencil thin. I am average. I would like a pair of shorts that fits my body.

Issues with Body Image--not just a human problem...

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Humans and kitties must raise awareness for this issue. Together, we can all have a positive self-image no matter what shapes we come in.