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Tuesday, September 1, 2009

it's for "her"; says so right on the can!

Yeah, so I first noticed this monstrosity on a shelf at the store I work at, in the upper corner of the energy drinks section--a tiny pink stain on the wall that is the manly energy drink.

Because my vagina means I'm totally intimidated by those other manly drinks, with names like "Rockstar" and "Monster," there's now "her." Yes, "her."

My lady-brain knows it's for me, since it's got that helpful feminine pronoun right on the can. And it's pink! Because we all know women are incapable of purchasing products unless they're pink. And we're all so stupid being constantly choked by our vaginas and ovaries and whatnot, that unless they spell it out ("hey, it's for HER") we're just not going to fucking get it.

On a side note, I have to say I'm a little freaked out by the "her" website's tabs: "her home," "about her," "locate her," "buy her"--what the fuck???

Wishing to learn how this (stalker-invoking) lady energy drink differs from it's manlier counterparts, I read this:

her, or Healthy. Energy. Revitalizer is the first active lifestyle energy drink with women in mind. her Energy provides our consumers with a fresh, clean, and great tasting alternative to the other energy drinks out there on the market. Unlike other energy drinks, her will not make you “crash” or give you the “jitters”. The her formula is designed to give you just the boost you need without over doing it.

her’s sleek and stylish can is reflective of our consumers. her is geared towards women who are on the go with active lifestyles while maintaining that fun and flirty image.

her is based in Hollywood, California and is a favorite among the Hollywood elite, however it remains ideal for any and all consumers.

(Oh yeah, and every instance of "her" is written in pink. Gross.)

Thanks for spelling it out for us--again.

"her" is not like other energy drinks (but...it makes the same claims...). And let's observe the "sleek and stylish" can--minus that obnoxious color, it's the same size and shape as other energy drink cans.

Oh, it's reflective of your consumers? You mean those airbrushed white ladies up there bouncing around and drinking "her" in their panties? Got it.

"Fun and flirty image"???? Do I really have to go there?

Hollywood elite, eh? Well, that's mighty generous of you to have it available for us unimportant peons. I'm guessing your "any and all consumers" is similar to that "all men created equal" thing, right? I gotcha.

Just another example of how fucking clueless people are when it comes to marketing things for women. Morons.

9 comments:

luvandfamily said...

Well I would drink it simply because of the 'hollywood' factor... NOT!!!!!! Immediately I thought of TMZ - don't get me started with that shit rag news feed. (sorry Lord). Hey marketing -Good luck with 'Hers' because it won't be 'mine'. Thats it and thats all!
Mommy Grandeur

Maud said...

How. . . generic. Her: it's for not-men.

Maud said...

FG - After I leave a comment, a box comes up headed "Leave your comment." The 3rd sentence reads, "Unless your a troll" instead of Unless you're a troll. I only mention it because if it were me it would bug me no end when I finally noticed it, and since you're a writer I thought maybe it would annoy you, too, to realize it had been like that for a long time, but it seems unlikely you'll read this yourself because you already know your comments policy! I considered the possibility that it was akin to Shakesville's "lol your fat" and "hey your gay" but I can't quite figure out what action "unless" would describe if used as a verb - maybe a cross between undress and unleash? Hmmm, probably not something most folks would want to do to a troll ;)

Meg said...

Hah. Yeah, they sell something like this at my local grocery store. It looks almost exactly like Beaver Buzz, except the can is pink and instead of a badass beaver and a maple leaf, there's a pair of red lips, and of course the slogan ("Dam Good") has been changed to "Sugar Free". Apparently Canadian women are not patriotic, nor do they have a sense of humour, but they do faint at almost-cuss words and are constantly watching their weight. Fuck you, Beaver Buzz, and your watered-down ladydrink too. I pick my energy drinks based on which is tastiest, not which has the most embarrassing can.

FilthyGrandeur said...

lol. thanks Maud. i'm absentminded so, no I hadn't paid any attention to it. i think not only is that a typo, but an error in sentence order. i will fix it now. i would hate for fellow writers to be irritated every time they leave a comment.

Maud said...

Sorry, FG, I didn't mean to imply that anyone's typos but my own annoy me! The written word is the last little area of life where I stubbornly cling to my illusion of having some tiny measure of control, since you can actually check your output before exposing it to the world. And I do. Sort of compulsively. And when I'm sure it makes sense and is correctly spelled, I email it to someone or post it as a comment on someone's blog and, on occasion, notice immediately thereafter that it actually doesn't make sense, or isn't spelled right. Where is my tiny measure of control over my world, I shriek! Who has it? Give it back immediately! Only not out loud, of course. Wouldn't want to scare the neighbors ;)

FilthyGrandeur said...

don't worry about it--i'd rather it look right (especially since i used to be a writing tutor--lol).

ladybrain said...

This is hilarious and frightening at the same time! We--using our massive lady brains--did a show recently based on answering the thought provoking "girl cards"--from the Table Topics series. We knew they were for us girls because they too are PINK! And the questions were definitely for "her"! ie what do you knickname your man's penis, who do you fantasize about, very intellectual. Steph drank a Rockstar prior--oops!

Steph and Lauren
(Lady Brain)
Listen in if you would like at http://askladybrain.com

Nentuaby said...

Hmmm. So if I, as a man, were to purchase this product, would there be repercussions? Instant androgynization? Spiritual damage, akin to a woman spinning a turndun?